As I write today, I look out the window at about 10 inches of snow on the second day of Spring. Sure, it’s a pain in the ass but if you take the time to look at it the world is stunning covered in white snow. Today has been a rather unproductive day in the real world, yet this is my favorite kind of day. Snowed in with my family, coloring, playing hangman, snacking on things that my Show Coach would be TERRIBLY upset with. I get a lot out of days like today. A reset. Not feeling guilty about doing “nothing.” The kind of “nothing” that amounts to cherished memories in time.

I did, however, get the chance to do something productive in the sense of personal growth. I listened to two podcasts from Michael Meade, and I have to say I was blown away. I would like to share one with you. ‘The Half Boy,’ is about a boy born into the world half a boy. After he was born, a village of dance stopped dancing. The boy never felt himself here, and as he looked around in the village, he realized that if he stayed where he was nothing was ever going to change. So, he made the decision to journey out into the world in search of change, or possibly to feel whole. On this journey he does end up finding his other half in a river, while we are all like, “awesome, happy ending…” that’s not exactly where this story is going. Its real and its truth. So as the story goes the boy finds his other half, but it isn’t easy. There is a great battle between them and as his other half attaches to him, he is very disoriented and lost trying to be whole and mesh his two halves. He stumbles upon a Village with an Elder man living half in the village and half out. This Elder reached to him and explained that no one has danced in the village since he left. His solution is that if maybe they enter the village together hand and hand dancing, him in his old age and the half boy in his youth then maybe the whole village would dance again. The half boy agreed, and it was then that they entered the village and danced together. A slow start but one after one the people of the village started dancing, once they started, they couldn’t stop, and they danced all night. It is said the people of that village are still dancing. In the end of the story Michael Meade says that he believes children are born half and must cry their way into the world. Now, as he tells it every person that listens to these stories will get something different from it. Whatever you have been through or the past experiences that form you and who you are will resonate in you and the story can touch you in different ways.

This story was so powerful to me as I feel I was born half. Becoming a mother has made me feel whole, but then again discovering the power of exercise has as well. Love and family can make you feel whole, but it can also tear you apart. I think most of us are half and many are scared to become whole. Being whole means going against the grain sometimes, standing up for what you think is right, or leaving situations that make you feel less whole. Being whole also means looking yourself in the mirror and tackling demons or bettering yourself. You know that whole self-awareness thing? At 29 years old I don’t think I am truly whole. I think on most days I am on the path to becoming whole, trying to better myself physically and mentally. I want to try to be the best mom I can be to my children, and to help or inspire people every day. I want to learn and grow because it’s only plain foolish to say as young as I am that “this is me, this is who I am.” You know what, no, screw that. This is who I am today, but every day I want to evolve. This sounds simple, just be a good person and good will come to you. Well, that’s false. Life is hard. There are a lot of hardships in life, some we have no control over, and some are a direct result of our own actions. Those are the especially hard days because I don’t care who you are, its hard as hell to look in the mirror and say, “I fucked up,” or “I could have done better.” This is where the half boy story comes to me. Those hard days on the path to being whole is my one half trying to fit my other half, and that will never be easy if you want to be “aware.” I do know that every decision I have made in this life I have learned from. Sometimes I followed my heart, sometimes I listened to my head, and sometimes I listened to other opinions that swayed me in a direction in which I stayed away from being whole. We can’t fault ourselves for our mistakes if we learn from them. Life comes down to evolution, right? I can only hope that I continue to evolve mentally as I become more whole, more of who I am and more of who I aspire to be.

So, my friends, enjoy this day this beautiful lazy day. Don’t be scared to take a chance or make mistakes. Becoming whole is big job, so let’s be grateful for this journey and don’t forget to dance.

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